I am pretty sure the guy in the stall two dwn from me is jerking it...seriously
I never want a future conversation of ours to include the words "quart of semen" in it
dibs on John Mayer's hood pass
It just hit me that i made out with someone's mom last night
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
so apparently I plead the 5th to every question they asked me when they put me under the conscious sedation to set my broken wrist
Going out so taking the 2nd 1/2 of beer w/ me ont'tube in a Pringles tube. I give money to people on the street that have more self respect.
He literally sends me dick pictures, EVERY DAY. SEVERAL DIFFERENT ANGLES ..it's like I GET THE POINT.
This is John, I met you downtown last night.
Oh, ok.
This is the cop that kept you out of trouble last night
Got too starbucks. 3out of the 4 girls working i have ducked and haven't ever called. My coffee has dick written on it. It may contain spit by pumpkin lattes are only once a year
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Incase you were wondering. Cooking naked turns into sex. Sex and cooking may lead to house fire....
He said he didn't want to go down on me so I told him we were going to have an oral stalemate.
Poor guy. Tried so hard to get out of the friend zone. I had to make out with someone in front of him to put him in his place.
They filled a kiddie pool with lube and glitter.
The fact that you screamed, "Alf is my spirit animal!" is proof enough that we're too old for peyote.
We need a kiddie pool and lots of cornstarch
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