I just googled "whats above a trillion", thats how busy I am at work.
hey, here's something you don't have worry about since you're a girl: finding crusty cum in your bellybutton.
that coffee was exactly what I needed. Also whose awesome hat is on the couch with ear flaps? I wanna put my head in it
Left for charity run at 5AM. Saw a pigeon eating last night's vomit and a pair of shame-walkers in high heels. Nature at it's finest.
We waited til after. Not even drunk sex felt right during a Disney movie.
his mom cheated on his dad so i think he has a weird freudian thing for whores
Ive made peace with the fact that i will accomplish nothing except liver damage today
You started an entire relationship based only on sex and emoticons.
i have a feeling i am the only one who can successfully pull off the "slutty kentucky derby" look.
Your message cut off at "shit on the floor". Your life is incredible.
our jesse-walt dynamic is actualy really perfect because i want to start a small time drug empire and you want to get high a lot its very accurate
If I wear a tail on Halloween, how am I supposed to grind? Maybe I will just wear devil horns
So to add to headbutting the microwave while waiting for my hot pockets to cook. I apparently told both bartenders earlier in the night I was going to fuck them both. I hate black out drunk me..
What is the acceptable way to offer a trade of sex for a few hours of body heat?
This is the nicest bathroom I've ever been drunk in. The urinal is gold.
Randomize
