I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
So tell me more about the cum that came out of your nose
I havent jerked off in so long, my dick literally prevented me from rolling over in my sleep this morning. new definition of painful?
remember to ask your mom about the name of her pet duck so we can name the bowl
My fuck buddy took time out of his date with his girlfriend to text me happy Valentines Day.
But life isn't just all about getting drunk & eating chicken strips.
Just caught my dad doing coke in my bathroom again. Guess whose getting a new car for christmasss.
Remember when I said "no boyfriend, no problems"? I lied. Tequila. Tequila is a problem.
i went to the 24h massage place last night and brought down the price for a hand job from $50 to $12.75 and half the big mac left in my bag.
I remember him going "OH SHIT" when he saw you straddling me on the table. And it was like the best feeling ever.
Im wearing a bra. Made of paint.
Being in the club with your moms drunk friends > having a healthy relationship with your mom
Holy fuck, my entire boob is bruised! Lierally my boob is just one big bruise.
he was snoring so I have him a bj to wake him up and then told him he had to leave.
I get dinner and bf perks from the one guy. But dick with no commitment from the other. I’m living my best life.
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