You should get sea herpes
I mean sea horses
I think i just called up my ex and talked to her for 20 minutes about frogs and how happy i am to be wearing shorts
Apparently I called 911 everytime Sean Kingston told me to
70 feet underwater and I sharted my wetsuit, Tide pen won't clean this up.
time to smoke my breakfast
Drinking wine. Reading twilight. On a Friday night. Biggest loser contest. First Place.
I got drunk and smashed his tv with the keg and so he blames me for being evicted.
I feel so much closer to you now that I heard your poop splash into the toilet.
I'm at the casino and some dude apparently has money in an entire row of slot machines. Its like watching a really intense adult version of wack a mole
How was the party? Lets put it this way: "He wants her dick" was a factual sentence stated last night.
Who the fuck watches Jessica jones and thinks I need to call a past fling?
What is the acceptable way to offer a trade of sex for a few hours of body heat?
Once again, marijuana saves me from going to jail
The last thing I remember saying was "Tequila for all!!"
If you count the sounds from the room down the hall....that was definitely NOT the last thing that came out of your mouth.
People probably think I’m a fangirl bc I go to so many shows but it’s really bc I like fucking the tour manager
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