Raise your hand if you bought 2 annoying girls shots of water. CLOWNS.
question. what would be the least awkward way to ask your one night stand if he came inside of you because you would really prefer not to have his illegitimate lovechild. hypothetically.
By the grace of god and the ingenuity of Alexander Graham Bell, this text message is made possibe: YOU ARE A WHORE
I was pretty stoned. I thought I needed a seatbelt at the restaurant.
Your roommate was biting my friend last night. It was weird.
the only reason you beat me in fntsy this week is bc you wouldnt bail me outa jail in time to set my roster you dick
if i find out your the one who pierced my belly button im going to fuck your sister again
Why would I send you a picture of it when I could just steal the gnome and put it in your bed with you? Admit it, he looks just like gnomeo!
I feel like I got hit by a truck. Or a baby dinosaur. One of them ran over my body and then stuck me in a blender of fire and storm clouds
I think I'm goin to jail but either way I had a blast.
I remember us getting kicked out of the bar, but neither of us know why. We woke up next to chicken bones on a plate with spoons, and my car has mud all over it including places where feet shouldn't be, like the speakers on the car door.
THERE IS A BABY THAT ISN'T MINE THAT'S GOING TO HEAR ME BEING SEXED!
I got a free corona t-shirt and all I had to do was drink a beer. This needs to be a more widely accepted form of currency.
Now I know Sunday Funday means fucking till you loose your voice.
Our conversation went from you choking me to my quarter life crisis reeeaaalllll quick.
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