Sadly no. But I was pantsless when they came to get me. Which made me miss you...
I was worried if he didn't show me his penis, he would kill himself
they told you the "weed man" wouldn't come until you were asleep, like santa claus. you believed it.
She called herself a train and then took off all her clothing. I forget everything after that.
I saw you two flinging Jello at the sidewalk if that helps jog your memory.
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Hey, I can't find my bed frame. Do you know who took it?
Well, I'm off to go seduce a gay man. In 10 years when I'm 300 pounds, sitting in a mumu surrounded by my 500 cats, remind me of this text. That way I can be like "ohhh THERE'S where I went wrong!!"
i hope youre ready for a shit show because we just ordered a whole pitcher of red headed sluts
time for you to cut the loving, understanding, non-judgmental crap and say/do whatever it takes to make sure I never, ever, ever sleep with him again ever
She dresses cool and she's mean. And she has fake boobs I feel like I can relate to her on so many levels.
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Oh ya, I forgot to tell you, last night I woke up to the sound of you peeing on the floor next to the fridge, didn't remember until now. Have fun at Dayton!
My doctor wrote down abstinence as my form of birth control. #ihavenodatinglife
And they're not making a turkey. My cousin was "hoping to shoot a bird this week"
We fucked while The Odyssey played in the background. Homer would be proud.
I have never in my life been turned down for sex until this weekend.
Welcome to my everyday.
I mean, I let him sleep with me after we both ate taco bell sober... That's kinda like love, right?
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