I can see my step sister's thong. Don't know if I should let myself be turned on or not
flash back: i gave smirnoff to a group of children at walmart
i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
I got carried to one bar. Got a piggy back ride to the next bar. I was just testing our drinking team for st pattys day to make sure they are able to handle me more drunk than that.
You know you're hung-over when you're smoking and have the strong urge to eat the cigarette. No more buckets of gin. No. More. Ever.
Dude, you can't even imagine the trip, I actually thought that there were Care Bears sitting next to me at the bar, I'm pretty sure I started hitting on the pink one.
He put chocks of wood in front of his doors to stop me from leaving. I'm not nearly drunk enough for that to be appropriate behaviour.
You were supposed to behave this weekend.
But... naked.
I asked her if she could eat some Doritos so when we made out it would taste awesome
Dude, he paid us overtime to smoke weed out of a bong at his house
Drink. Fuck. Waffle House. Repeat.
But really, someone with a penis give me attention before I start posting nudes on Instagram.
I just got a robo call from the Addiction Help Line. Not sure how to take that.
So it turns out high me is very efficient. I set 5 alarms to remind me to do things, i made mac and cheese, and i wrote a poem. I'm going places.
you said you were going to the bathroom. we found you an hour later laying in the backyard clutching a bottle of vodka while singing the beatles and crying
Randomize
