Threw my underwear in my purse as I was running away after sex last night, went to pick up my birth control prescription this morning, took out my wallet and accidentally flung my sweet thong onto the counter in front of the cashier. Think that was the universes way of telling me I am a whore.
i just fucked the bartender on my cruise to get free alcohol. have things gone too far?
i asked why he had a giant piece of popcorn duct taped to his head and he said "No, it's actually part of my neck." so no, i didn't fuck him.
It's confirmed. We did xmas carol the grocery store across the street from his building at 2:30am... Only the staff was there.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Chef at hibachi place learned it was my bday and sprayed 20 second count worth of saki in my mouth. Not sure it was the right image to share with my kids, but thought you'd be proud.
This guy randomly got in our taxi, and has now collapsed on the sofa anouncing that he's staying the night.
Volunteering at a homeless shelter a bum asked if he could lick me cause I still reeked of whiskey. Being a bumsickle=epic hangover
I thought you wanted to talk?
What part of "Lets have angry sex" means I want to talk?
I'm ready to get married, then we can lie around watching anime and eating pizza while he rubs baby oil on me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If you're into enormous nipples, you should ask out my office's receptionist.
There is a high pitched squealing noise coming from somewhere in my house. I hope it's a gas leak cause I'm over this week man.
At least I got steroids and a baguette out of the deal
Recliner chair sex has moments of worry....just don't.
I'm not totally useless... You can use me as an example of what not to do
have you ever tried to puke in an automatic flushing toilet? impossible
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