I never had a problem I couldn't slut my way out of.
I am actually insulted by the long string of ugly, fat girls he hooked up with after me.
I'm like the Mother Theresa of booty calls.
I'm sitting at my desk looking through our payroll system photos to find my next boyfriend. Abuse of power or awesome?
I just puked so hard I pissed myself. Outta my ass. I just won hangover of the century.
Last thing I remember was wondering why there was a mirror on the wall behind the urinal and then realizing I was pissing in the sink.
Wait does semen show up on blood tests?
You have to summon your inner elephant
I also slapped not one but two bananas on the ass, twerked in public, and I think I made out with someone
he had shaved armpits. I repeat: HE SHAVED. HIS. ARMPITS! First hookup of 2014 and it's with a weirdo. Alcohol:1 Me:0
I decided not to look up the nudes, because I believe that there is a line, and that mocking my old classmate's horrid nudes alone crosses that line.
If you're gonna show up unannounced on hangover day, you better have coffee doughnuts and a boner
We will discuss everything tomorrow i presume. Including the sweaty naked tango.
I jerked off 12 hours ago exactly. I owe it to my penis to get laid.
He sounds like Chris Tucker and wants to eat me out when I’m on my period. If that isn’t love I don’t know what is.
Randomize
