Just woke up naked in my storage cubby and some one rearragned my whole room?
no jk, not my room
found a new level of pathetic. i watched a guy pick out cigarette butts from a jar that weren't completely finished. make sure you go somewhere in life.
do herpes really smell.
today i learned why jack sparrow loved rum so fucking much
You left your underwear on the fireplace
I can hear her moaning. I'm on some random guy's counter. He wanted me to cuddle but I said I didn't know how.
She just broke down showed up grabbed a beer said fuck it pulled off her fake eyelashes looked at my roommate and said we need to break up you're a nice guy and I'm a whore
no you're not allowed back
come on. everbeers was a great idea. you fucks had a great night
pretty sure I just came the closest to throwing up in my pants that I'm ever gonna get. I'd like to thank the academy and the hangover thatt I hope actually kills me in the morning.
Can vaginas get frostbite?
I can't believe you picked a finger in the ass over lunch with me.
Judging by my bruises, I know I took more than one tumble. I probably pulled u down w me, and then punched you in the knee. Been trying to find a place to fix my phone between naps today. Almost no place accepts hand js as currency these days. 2013 is gonna be expensive and whorey.
Hypothetically, I throw a party and my ex-boyfriend and my current fuck buddy are in the same house... what should I do?
How many beds are in the house? Hypothetically...
I have no idea what happened last night but I sobered up whilst showering with a mop.
Last night I tried to apply for a job at ihop. That drunk.
Randomize
