Pants on the Ground is the theme song of my life
Puked in my laptop case in the middle of my nutrition class.
i don't know at this point bringing the fog horn might be a good idea...
He cheated on me in real life. I can cheat at words with friends.
My new hangover cure is going for a haircut, just so the stylists give me a scalp massage during the shampoo.
That certainly explains the nine times your hair has looked different just this last month alone.
I have a calendar reminder for world domination today, you wouldn't happen to know anything about that would you?
she's an english major so her sexts are something i look forward to
I'm a complete klutz, especially when I get excited. I pee a lot too. I'm like a puppy except I don't pee in the floor.
Please tell me that SOMEONE, SOMEWHERE, has created a drink called a 'Tequila Mockingbird'. PLEASE.
There are many penises to be discovered and claimed tonight
We're like Lewis and Clark
Lol. I get my husbands paycheck every week. Immediate deposit into my purse next to his balls.
College has done two things for me. Given me the confidence to blow my nose in public and shit in public
Well we found Mark's missing underwear. They're pinned up on Mike's trophy wall.
I’ll always remember that day you sent me that random nude on accident lmao changed my life
the bucket list is making me question my morals...and sexuality
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