I wish i could call my weed and hear it ring. That's how i found my phone.
The fact that its 10am on a gameday and I have yet to shotgun is absurd
I'm thinking we can stop tracking my sex life by the hotels I've hooked up in and instead use bar bathrooms I've gotten head in.
when he was about to finish he told me to avert my eyes and keep my lady parts away. chivalry isnt dead.
There was a stripper pole on the party bus. Was being past tense because some fat chick somehow tore it from the ceiling while grinding
I just saw her take the entire bowl of lime wedges from the bar and pour them all in her purse, and now using the empty bowl as a hat. Waiting for security to come and throw her ass out.
Like some sort of pot growing robin hood.
1. Are there men involved 2. Is there food involved 3. Do I have to put pants on 4. Do I have to leave this bed
That freshman kid successfully snuck into a college party, got caught, proceeded to jump out of a second story window without getting a scratch then met up with us a block away and somehow managed to get a bottle of grey goose in the meantime. He is truly blessed by the alcohol gods
Sorry I didn't answer your call last night, I was peeing on the driveway.
I was wondering why he was in my phone as "Cat Guy", he seemed pretty normal. Then when we woke up he was wearing a shirt with a picture of his cat on it. The name stays.
Alvin just won tickets on the radio. I guess he's out of jail.
So the other day we finished having sex and he literally said "what are we going to do about your vagina?" Like, I hadn't even dismounted him yet.
He poured champagne on my pussy while he ate me out. I found my unicorn.
I woke up next to a Big Mac box.. And had no sheets or clothes on. The night was a success I think.
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