whats up tonight?
Ice cream, wine, and teabags... Not the earl grey kind
just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.
just got double teamed by two guys I will be on beach patrol with this summer. six months until the season starts and I'm already 'that girl.'
We sat in his closet and drank four loko out of my camelbak for an hour in the dark. You tell me how my night went.
I was taking a bath while he walked in, sat down on the toilet, and said "its like a baby, I can see it crowning."
Now I can say "look me up on Pornhub."
She said she'll drive over, bang, and then head home. It's like ordering a pizza.
I have a vague memory of you tryin to ride a unicycle through jimmy johns
it's not that I hate people, I just want to rip most of their faces off.
He and I are in a competition of who can sleep with the most people at work. We're tied at two. I could win this if they'd stop hiring damn straight girls.
There is resin on and IN the refrigerator. Its even on the food. My god, what happens to you?
What happened last night and why am I partially covered in queso?
Lol, yeah it'll be fun,but will it be cereal and dick pics fun?
Think he has a gf
Yea that shit doesn’t necessarily stop me
I blame her lesbian super powers of coercion.
Randomize
