you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
Id pretty much put it in anything at this point. Jello. Dogs. 12 year old boys
Im like a co-bf. he pays for her birthday and christmas, but i get all the action.
just found a shoebox labled "emergency smoking box"... it has a lightbulb, 2 potatoes, a dried up flower, and a button that says "stop drop and roll". what did we do last night?!
i knew it was going to be a good night when i was bleeding, licked it and it tasted like miller light
He told her, Don't talk. Just sit there so I can imagine that you have the kind of personality I wish you had.
best. trip. ever. this is going to be too much fun. petland isnt going to know what hit them.
You found me in the back room alone eating someone else's whole birthday cake with my hands then asked me if you could join.
Also, nothing screams "don't talk to me because I'm unstable" like walking around eating cookie dough out of the package.
She thinks I'm afraid I'm gonna get caught in one of my lies and some of the girls I'm fucking will find out about each other. But it would be a relief to offload a few from the old crop and work in a few newbies into the rotation. The organization could use some new blood.
He's a Republican and an Ohio State fan idk how far this can go.
All I remember is you shouting "THIS KID IS A FREAKIN' NINJA!!" when he dive rolled over a barbed wire fence and proceeded to ask for his 18th beer.
What are u up to today?
Marathon sex and eating.
Going back to our hometown to help Gramma move. Thinking we should see if we can fuck on the desk of the homophobic coach who first introduced us while in town.
Randomize
