its awkward enough using a urinal next to your dad but its worse finding out hes one of the guys who goes no hands and moans it out
I recorded his drunk dial calls. My personal favorite was the one that began, "grab the bull by the horns and fuck his cock."
not my fault. i got her to believe he wrote an oasis song. he still managed to find a way to make sure no girl ever gets near his penis.
He walked in AS I was cumming. Now even my father knows I'm a squirter.
I am officially out of liquor stores within a 15 mile radius that don't recognize me as soon as I walk in the door.
I'm studying for my midterm by watching porn with Spanish subtitles. Surprisingly the words are still really distracting..
The 78 year old woman who works next to me divorced her ex husband, remarried her first husband, and retired all in one day. I'd say it makes your breakup on Valentine's day pretty insignificant.
I smell like lime and condoms and I really want a waffle. Fuk
Update: That guy is no longer in the restroom, so he's probably not dead.
'valentine' just autocorrected to 'cake robe' in my phone
I think that summarizes my life up pretty accurately
He took me out to dinner to tell me we had to stop fucking so randomly
Honestly wish he pleased me as much as queso does
did anyone ever come to your door asking about the blood on the floor?
Holy shit dude........stairs
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
I have to have boobs, you have the charm and wholesomeness that gets boyfriends... And i have boobs
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