the real housewives reunion is on...i wanna see if danielle can look any more surprised than the facelift allows
i wanna see dina punch her face back to normal
i woke up this morning cuddling with a 3 foot statue of Jesus. heaven here i come
look. either you want to have late night naked sleep overs or you don't. do not involve dinner and extraneous conversations in this relationship.
How could you not be happy? Its like "and then I found 5 dollars" but "and then I found a handle of vodka"
My grandpa is giving me detailed instructions on how to fight a second floor bedroom fire from a ladder on the out side. Just in case
It's not a good hook up if during you're thinking "how will this damage me psychologically"
Honest opinion...too aggressive to bring the funnel out to the bar? Also just so you know im at the bar. with the funnel.
We just laid there in bed together, petting his dick and repeating, "IT FEELS LIKE VELVET!!!"
You asked me to pick a color between pink and purple, and I said orange; you told me, "okay, that's a truth question". Then you asked if I had ever deep-throated a cupcake...I didn't even know what to say.
I'm to the point where I'm fantasizing about Iron Chefs going down on me.
They've already turned me into the Dean of Students once because they felt 'unsafe' because I came home hammered and asked one of them to make me a grilled cheese sandwich. Like, I just ASKED!
Please put me on a plane and hypontize me into forgetting the little bit of last night that I do remember.
I declared today 'Have a Bloody Mary Naked Day'. Why? Because I'm hungover, thirsty & don't want to bother putting on clothes.
Well I've made a drinking game out of the Wiggles but I think I've got this babysitting thing down
You and your dick were a topic of high regard tonight
Randomize
