You can't wash away shame.
I can try.
He’s a liberal pot smoker and perfect for me. He invented a game where we have to smoke a joint every time you hear a Middle Eastern accent on NPR.
The last thing I remember is yelling "ill handle this" while wearing a lion suit and holding a jug of vodka when the RAs came
In the future let's not drunk dive in the fountain in front of the hotel bar.
He literally sends me dick pictures, EVERY DAY. SEVERAL DIFFERENT ANGLES ..it's like I GET THE POINT.
ugh he was not leaving in the morning so i tried to scare him by crying and saying i wasnt ready to lose my virginity.
I just came so hard there were tears. Actual tears.
I just realized I slept with a guy who used the pickup line "do you have a bandaid? I skinned my knee when I fell for you."
I'm currently giving my drug dealer relationship advice. He's a nice guy and all but I'm really just hoping I get some free weed
Don't know how your birthday has been, but mine has involved Hershey's syrup and a blowie. It's safe to say you're playing catch up.
You told the bartender at least five times that you were naming your son "Jagermeister" but you would use the bartender's name "Fernando" as his middle name. You were drunk.
He made me cum via FaceTime, then he made me look at his stock investment charts..
Officially locked in my status as an indifferent millennial by downloading Tinder.
Based on the conversation I'm going to assume you didn't close the deal.
It started going awry when I fell through a roof.
You use your abs way more than I realized. Btw multiple orgasms is the best thing I've ever discovered.
Randomize
