Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
I got everything I ever gave her back, every picture, and money for the dog. I didn't want it she brought it all back and gave it to me. clothes jackets, pictures, dried flowers, ear rings, necklace...
Sell it on ebay and let's go to the bar
she had the hairiest bush ive ever seen. it looked like a spoiled head of lettuce.
I just took a dump by candlelight. I feel like a pilgrim.
If we have to be apart I understand. Being separated is probably best for our relationship now. I look forward to our booty calls.
she refuses to pay for the plan b and so do i. it's the most dangerous game of chicken i've ever been involved in. but i have my pride.
I wish I had a frozen water bed.
best. idea. ever.
I was going to ask the people in the kitchen to keep the volume down, but they're cooking pasta at 3 AM and one complimented me on my polka-dot nightgown. They're high. No volume control.
How drunk do you think I'll be by the time I get home?
I just watched you drink a whole glass of wine through a Twizzler. Pretty drunk.
Never go with a hippy to a second location. I fucking hate Xanax.
That's true because who the fuck doesn't love Harry Potter and beer
It's finals week and I'm halfway done with this bag of wine and don't plan on stopping. Say goodbye to my GPA
Pretty sure this ice cream truck is following me.
I'm not sure why he thinks weird that I masturbate AND look at pinterest at the same time.
He was so wasted he lit his sink on fire with shit he found in his room....it was smokeless. Chemistry majors drunk = the coolest shit ever.
Randomize
