dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
elementary school lunch room party. everyone brings their own lunch and can trade stuff. all juice is booze.
Just took my morning after pill in the library
it's a little hard to watch the basketball games with my family considering they keep cheering for the guy that i had a one night stand with...
Just found out I reached my $2500 deductible and I have a $5 million dollar cap on my health insurance. Let's get drunk and do something recklessly stupid tonight.
Once you mention butt plugs, conversations always take a turn for the worst.
A kid in my class today just asked if we have class on the 17th, then announced that he couldn't go anyways because it was the day after his 21 and he was going to be too hungover
I'm like 80% sure we nearly got arrested because we threw fireworks at a car
Her husband thinks she's banging me and nothing is going to change his mind so I told her we might as well just bang and make him right
I'm going to try and loofah my hangover away.
Update: It didn't work
$150 and 3 orgasms. Dogsitting is awesome.
Sorry about my life...
my god I love twenty year old dicks
Stumbled out of my bed this morning into the bathroom at 8 am still drunk, obviously. The Mormon on my floor was in the bathroom. I could practically hear her doing hail marys for me.
Do you remember trying to sleep under the pool table while wearing a reflective vest?
Nope.
You kept saying you had to be safe.
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