Fuck you I wanted that fabulous flaming homo to win american idol...its like we lost the gay marriage vote...again
she was definitely wearing a bumpit. i think it was the hollywood bumpit. i told her that i lived with my parents to get outta taking her home.
had no condoms so I just made do with an empty doritos bag.
BRILLIANT IDEA: In honor of summer olympics we need to start a synchronized drinking team.
We just laid there in bed together, petting his dick and repeating, "IT FEELS LIKE VELVET!!!"
I invited you and you fucked me in the face with the penis of disappointment and shit.
NoShamevember. You game?
Hey, don't think you remember me but we met last night. I'm conducting a survey this morning its only one question: Have you seen Rob since 1am?
Your life is one shit show away from being a lifetime movie.
Not yoga, whiskey. Totally mis-typed whiskey.
Don't worry my mom is buying me a vasectomy for Christmas
I found a 9 minute video on my phone of you singing into an eggplant.
Riddle me this: How does one check in at the Marriott, but wake up at the W?
Give me a few. Gonna ride the rollercoaster.
He ate me out in the passenger seat of his Range Rover in a Tim Hortons parking lot. I could hear “oh canada” on the radio from a nearby school as I came. Most patriotic orgasm ever!
Randomize
