I've heard semen is good for your skin though, so that pimple on my chin should clear right up.
if my vagina gave out awards, he should be preparing acceptance speaches for the oscar, the heisman and the nobel peace prize.
Want to come to my BBQ and Blow party?
as nice as a boyfriend sounds, a relationship would require morals and self-restraint - both fields in which i lack.
momma always taught us never to change for a boy..
he just sent me a pic of him naked with a bucket of margarita mix hanging off his dick
Is my lip ring still in your hair?
The number of injuries I get impersonating Shakira while drunk is getting ridiculous. Sprained vagina, dude.
your cat followed me a mile away from your house. if it doesn't come back, i'm sorry, but I needed to get laid tonight.
I guess? According to Jeff his mom is wondering when the grand babies will arrive. So I don't think they like ME so much as my supposed functioning uterus
I found his belly button lint in my hair. Can't say it was worth it.
don't worry i won't let him get attached. I put on my Hulk onesie after sex and yelled I SMASHED YOU. never seen a guy looked so confused.
my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.
can you adopt me?
Then while I was crying on his shoulder, he got a boner. Soo. I kinda just hopped on.
then this guy just runs in screaming, "cant you see my daughter pissed herself???!!!" and that was the start of my 2016.
I miss seeing you
i hope for the sake of your safety you were not with your girlfriend while sending texts like that at 3 am
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