Leave Me Alone
At least least me cry on your voice mail
Yeah we can't find him. He left a note saying he left and isn't that drunk with what appears to be an attempt at the quadratic formula for proof. He also wrote down his number and left his phone by the note
Homeboy was juggling while taking bong rips. Of course he got laid.
She's all pretty and bubbly and nice and I'm sitting here stoned looking like Lucifer.
I fucking give up. OKC is where small penises go to disappoint me.
Haha yeah this costume is worse than I imagined. I look more like a gothic hooker who caters specifically to creepy men with doll fetishes
I don't deserve a penis
The word cocktail makes me want to rip my liver out and nail it to a cross.
Any time you can't remember a night, and you wake up in a sorority house, it's fucking worth it.
we somehow managed to fit a llama, a stripper pole and a hayride all into the same day.
Eating pizza and drinking wine while I watch the Victoria's Secret Fashion Show. The wine is for reducing the pain of falling asleep with more insecurities than what I woke up with.
He hasn't touched a vagina in two and a half years. THIS IS WAY TOO MUCH PRESSURE TO BE UNDER
Let's celebrate our freedom by getting high and doing stupid shit.
Say whatever the fuck you want about me, but leave my deceased cat out of it.
The brides mom put a 6 year old in charge of me to make sure I don’t get too drunk before the wedding
Randomize
