Needless to say, wine tasting turned into wine chugging
i've been thru my totinos phase. then after reading the ingredients and nutritional info i almost puked in my mouth. its like having the bastard child of pizza hut and mcdonalds invade your kitchen and start stabbing your digestive system.
Bad news. I lost my teeth. Good news. I can still take a guy home sans teeth.
Did someone do a keg stand in my bathtub?
My last google search was 'bulk asian wives' I don't know either
They play video games, go on acid trips, and in times of need, are willing to donate plasma together. COUPLE OF THE YEAR.
I NEED to see if his girl has a sister.
I wanna introduce you to my balls, Thunder and Lightning.
I've slept in a different bed every day this week. Operation Ho Ho Ho is a success!
Yeah even if I got stabbed it would be worth it
No one's ever called me intergalactic cocksucker, before.
What does it say about me that I feel completely charmed right now?
Always keep a stash of tequila in your work desk. That is like adulting 101.
Well I can cross 'get my dick slathered in coconut oil while watching the bob's burgers porn parody' off my bucket list.
These tits shall not be calmed
I just got offered free tattoos if I smuggle some guns from OKC to Dallas for a guy in the hells angels
Maybe i don’t have a tell. Maybe wine is my poker face.
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