So I just went home and made my own spanx by cutting the legs off of a pair of nylons. I'm either a genius or missed my calling to live in a trailer park.
What a tease, dude. She's giving me emotional blue balls.
This is worse that I thought. He's playing violin for me.
also: i found my "nug jug", actually the baby did, but either way it got returned to its rightful owner
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I think showering with 5 people and a half gallon of vodka was one of the best decisions we have ever made.
Please tell me I did not ask the bartender how big his dick was.
I honestly think the worst part about the night is they just kicked us out of the park and we didn't even get to go into Disneyland Jail
Walking out of the bathroom and not knowing you have hand soap on the front of your pants so it looks like you blew a load on yourself really sets the tone for the rest of the week...
Although a guy bought me a shot of fireball last wknd and I told him he wouldn't even get half a handjob for that and walked away so don't tell me I don't have standards
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Some old bald man is a 100,000 dollar Audi sports car just revved his engine at me and held out his phone at me trying to get my number. I hate the valley.
I tried to help you up but you said "let me dance it off"
we were having a conversation about big dicks and the chick at the table beside us turned to us said "me and my boyfriend just broke up a few days ago. Could you please NOT talk about big dicks"
She was a little thick, but we banged on the beach and fireworks went off as we finished so I think God wanted it
I just choked eating whip cream from the can, and peed a little because I was coughing so hard. How am I still single.
Two of my dealers just made friends at this party. Do you think one will be pissed if I buy from the other or should I just go 50/50?
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