I just saw a girl wearing a flannel shirt that would make 1992 cringe
If we break up, I want weekend visitations with your penis.
I need to shotgun another beer. Where's the machete?
I am not ready to suck todays dick. Todays dick just laughed and came on my face.
Well... this vagina won't eat itself
I just puked in my non fat yogurt... But it's non fat in hopes that someone wants to eat my vagina
As for the 14 hours of vodka. I am all that is man.
Dude I walked 1.4 miles through the hotel wearing a cowboy hat, pink topped boots, gucci shades, and a scarf and met my parents in the hallway at 7 am how is this not a good start to Vegas?
I was at a bus stop, eating a load of bread. Fairly sure I'm the poster child for poor students.
woke up next to the new dishwasher. set the record for banging a new employee to 6 hours...i should be a professional sexual predator
Dude Carly, it's like, inconvinent how often you cause me to have an erection
i just found my fake in the snow. LIFE IS AWESOME
Went to the lab to print and realized the guy next to me was the one we stole all the beer from last night..... Oops
Girl just left one of the apts upstairs carrying a giant bottle of kahlula and a lunchable.... I feel like we could be friends
you know my pussy doesn't know between good and evil
The cop asked me why my pants were around my knees when he woke me from the sink, i replied "Officer, my underwear is still on, nothing bad happened" then he nodded in acknowledgement and we carried on with the paper work.
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