if you take his cock out, you have to give him a bj. it's like giving a moose a muffin.
she wants me to text her or call her all the time when we are apart...this is not high school...
Arguably, the best part was cockblocking those squirrels.
His sister just told me that she thinks i'm a stupid bitch and that by going thru with this I'm ruining his life.
sounds like a hell of a rehearsal dinner
dude i've broken up a marriage, I think I can handle a simple engagement.
The only downside so far to having a guy roommate is that when he's doing a walmart run, I just can't bring myself to ask him to pick up a pregnancy test for me. I feel like that's just too much too soon.
Get caught with marijuana. Cop takes piece. Buy new bong. Circle of fun.
LEAVE MY LITTLE DICK OUT OF THIS
All I know is that I woke up with my pajamas on inside out in front of a bowl of watered down kd. Sitting up. I didn't even make it to bed.
I've started drunk signing up for 5ks. Who even does that?
How does a face ride mean we're back together?
You are not the cause of late onset lesbianism.
My new superpower is making fuckboys disappear!
Bending dicks and egos since 2002
my dad walked in on me peeing into the trashcan in our kitchen last night at like 2am. wtf
I just shaved my legs via the sink as to not wake my parents up because I know I'll be having marathon sex tomorrow after my certification exam... so this is life after college.
Randomize
