I got into an eating contest with Christina. I ate 6 oranges.
Why? Who won?
we don't know. we ran out of oranges.
There is a reason Crest White Strips don't list masturbation as one of the myriad of activities to do while whitening your teeth. A very good reason.
She said she could kiss it, just not put it in her mouth. Because that would be cheating..
I have big tits. Rules don't apply to me.
I'm so hungover that the internet is hard.
The chance that I have herpes may have made me find god
She gave me head while using a laptop on my stomach to go online. I've never seen a better feat of multitasking.
Will you just get over yourself and come over here and give me that dick...then you can go back home and continue to cry over us breaking up. Thank you
Dude... You called me at 3am to tell me you still had your pants.
Even when you're down just know that I will always be the one to pour alcohol into your asshole when you're on probation
Worrying about "What smells like cat pee?" is so much easier than worrying about "What am I doing with my life?"
Good luck getting that all cat food off in the shower dumbass
Its official... I need to stop being so slutty.. the guy I had sex with on friday delivered my jimmy johns tonight.
HOLY FUCK i just remembered we had bows and arrows and firecrackers last night
and flaming arrows and vodka
how did we not set your garage on fire
If my dildo had feelings, they. Would've deffinately been hurt. He put that toy to shame..
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