Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
overheard a conversation between 2 lesbians: 'back when I used to have dick sex...' oh, vegas, I so heart you
I've hooked up with 3 different guys already this week...don't tell me I haven't been a productive member of society
So when you said you wanted to make a clay replica of my boobs and hang it above your bed you actually meant it?
So my birthday was awesome. Only remember 45 min of it but I woke up with a girl on the couch and a half bowl of ground beef
high as fuck. watching parent trap with my mom. keep missing my mouth.
I'm so hungover that if we go to panera, I'll probably get a bread bowl to throw up in.
KNEE DEEP IN HOES. SEND HELP.
I can't. I drank 10 years off my life last night. I need to reevaluate. Sorry.
Nah. And this is true. It's like you were trained by sexual Jedi or something.
*jedi wave* this is the penis you were looking for
it was cool until he whispered 'sounds like you need a good dicking' with a completely serious face and i just lost it
I feel like too many of my sentences start of with "Hey, fuckface!"
Let’s try it, I’ve never had a bad time with sex, tacos and beer.
U NO SLUT. YOUR HEART IS JUST FREE.
I'm so sorry for trying to eat your puzzle last night...
Randomize
