Maybe i shouldn't have told him the key to getting in my pants was double vodka sodas and Nelly's song "grillz."
are you excited because you wanna see me or because you wanna get laid?
bc i get to see you. naked.
i am literally watching eva make a trashbag diaper for you to sleep in tonight. whole new level of low for you.
If I were there, I'd be putting a martini in you, via funnel if need be, and you would be doing this thing.
I'm in the "I'd rather have Carbs than Dick phase" part of my Life right now. YOU tell me how much Skinny Sex I'm having.
If by "in control" you mean him showing-up to work wasted, calling a customer a "fuckstick," and getting fired on the spot? Then yes, he is.
I'm thinking he has to buy me dinner at least twice before i even start considering casting him for "Fuck buddy - understudy."
just found a someones bra in what seems to be a mix of pickle juice and vodka in my fridge. Who was over here lately?
I would fuck him In a heartbeat, an obese child running up stairs with an irregular heartbeat, heartbeat.
he has a party story that rivals our "PTSD- soldier-with-a-knife" party story. I'm pretty sure this is part of some prophecy.
My moral compass cannot be waived by two measly bloody Mary's
We almost got stabbed in the nuts last night. Don't worry, we're alright.
Sometimes at I wake up from a dead sleep at 1am and call the bar just to hear the clink of the glasses and the pouring of the beer on tap in the backround
I'm like a hairless cat ready to be ravished
It was like a baby arm holding another baby arm holding an apple grove. Fuckin huge!
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