words of advice: black light parties reveal cum stained clothing.
i was taking the test and had to adjust my boner and my teacher thought i was cheating or something
You kept whispering, no one does me like Jimmy Johns does me.
he offered to walk down from the bar this morning to my house and bring me a guinness...
how romantic. its the irish mans version of flowers
Everyone is hammered wasted already...young, old, the dying, babies...we got them all
Everything smells like beer. Everything. But I cant drag myself out of bed to take a shower. So beer it is.
WHERE ARE MY FUCKING EYEBROWS?!
You're probably reading this when you wake up from your "nap" in the front yard. Maybe next week you should go to class, and not start Thirsty Thursday at 9:30 in the morning.
Yeah, I only wore tennis shoes under the gown. Way cooler than khakis and a shirt, but much more awkward when my parents wanted to go to dinner immediately after the ceremony and my grandmother started to unzip the gown. Stopped her before it was too late, but barely. My dad just rolled his eyes.
If it wasn't for the fact that I drink during my lunch break I'm pretty sure I would have quit this job by now
I knew you were super hungover. But so hungover you fire our house cleaner because her vacuums too loud is excessive
I don't remember much and some girl almost convinced me to jump off the bridge while she held my stuff...
I'm going to be such a slut in Europe I've already decided
Send me dick pics. We'll make a scrap book
But at least i made friends with the nice lesbian cop. She knew i was her kind when she had to confiscate my rainbow/pride rolling papers.
How did i spend $200 last night?
Every time you went to get me a drink, you also came back with shots. Then you fell down the steps.
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