I just walked by a ginger with a mullet. I repeat GINGER mullet. So help us God.
someone called me shannon dorrhety annnd it hurt my feelingsd.
a slip n slide in 50degree weather was the 2nd dumbest thing i have ever done. the 1st was hitting the wooden fence i believed was supposed to "help us stop"
He sat on a barstool and did the robot for 3 hours - I'm pretty sure he enjoyed himself.
Turns out vomit takes off spray tan.
I'm pretty sure there was a language barrier but he knew what "harder" meant.
the head trauma was worth the blowjob.
I just woke up in bed, rolled over, and found a whole pizza.
this is the second day in a row.
Oh. Yeah. It's the same pizza then.
Ps you missed quite a show. I was for some reason whipping my hair back and forth and head butted the tip jar. It shattered and now I have a circular bruise on my forehead. All the bartenders hit the floor to get all the quarters.
Oh we were great hosts that night. We made sure to leave all the beds open by passing out on the bathroom floors instead.
we will now reference it as "the infamous double dick night"
I slept with my wedding DJ..... I think this means my life has come full circle
Sorry my friend with benefits tried to run you over with his car
I just discovered my new vice. Cotton candy vodka. Its like a carnival in my mouth, puking of the tilt-a-whirl included.
I'm just happy stripping was the reason you fractured your hand
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