me texting you is like we have secret walkie talkies.
What time do you think the pilgrims started drinking? I want to be as accurate as possible.
I cut you off after you tried to do a shot out of a neti pot, down your nose.
explains the nose bleeds.
Goodbye hot boy in my geo class...goodbye my lover, goodbye my friend. you have been the one, you have been the reason I came to claassss
it's ok. you also told me I can feel free to vomit on your blow dryer sometime.
Even though ive seen her get fisted by another girl at a party, shes still a doctor.
Next time we throw a party together I would appreciate it if you didn't try to get my friends to hook up with friends of yours you know have herpes
I cant believe they held hands while getting simultaneous bjs
I think mom knows I'm drunk I put a full blown balloon in the fridge.
And I was chasing apple pie moonshine (provided by cops) with bud light limeys. In a golf cart, wearing a tiara.
We just left the shoe. An app card to Fridays. $25 to santoras and a note that said sorry we were drunk on the front doorstep of the strip club
Went out with the family last night and some 40 yr old lady wanted to take me home. My mom was not happy with me
I have wine with a bendy straw bitches I can do fucking anything
Tequila should only be paired with the finest of dick
You know its an epic night when omar the garbage man gives you a ride home at 6 in the morning.
Randomize
