I am in the hospital with a broken wrist because a guy told me that if I punched him it "wouldn't hurt." it hurt. me. Thank you 11 jello shots.
I found those 18 whoppers we bought.
No, I'm in the bathroom trying to scrub off the 16 tally marks on my wrist so its not so obviously to the world that I puked on a couch last night.
did she really put a helmet on, try to make a hole in the wall then pass out on the floor ten minutes later? if thats true ill be there in 15
oh yeah, there may or may not be a large boa loose in the house when you get home.
The waitress asked if you wanted white or brown, and you said "Isn't it all the same color when it's toasted?". She stared at you for about 20 seconds before she decided that you weren't fucking with her.
They were so huge my eyes were just drawn to them. Boob gravity man.
Aaand now my client contact has seen your boobs.
I put his pb&j sandwich in my bra and never looked back
You are attracted to power and since you can't date the married old guy you have to go for the next best thing - his gay son
the bouncer just handed me a Starbucks bag of pound cake
Just because I also want a blowjob doesn't mean I don't want to just see you too.
he was the first penis i touched… i have to go to his shitty bands first gig, i mean come on now
Your sister walked upto me in the middle of the hallway and was like get us beer or shes never having sex with you ever again, wtf
Fuck this virus. We’re finally back on campus but the bars suck parties are banned sports are canceled we eat in our rooms and can’t fucking hangout with anyone. I’m tired of virtual classes and involuntary celibacy
OMG IKR! It’s not college unless we’re puking in a toilet wondering if we’re pregnant or just hungover!
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