How, after 24 years of life, did I manage to revisit breastmilk
Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...
She was wasted. Kept yelling "what if I'm pregnant" and trying to push me into the tree. First and last time I bring a girl to my family christmas party.
yeah, you were trying to hump the doorman.
when did we get a doorman?
we were also in the wrong building...
apparently "my dealer got arrested" is not an acceptable answer when mom asks "What happened? You look sad today"
I want to see you in more than a weed delivering capacity
Something strange is happening to me, I think I miss hooking up with girls sober
Thanks for coming to the hospital with me, In return, I will buy you ecstasy.
So i think i'm going to frame my summons tickets and give them to dad as a christmas present...
Hey. There is naked girl with "plz don't touch her. She just turned 21" sharpied on her chest. What happened last night?
In order to see him, he made me facetime with his penis, which he had drawn a smile face on. Getting laid shouldn't be this difficult.
We were high as shit. We argued for like ten minutes about going to Dunkin Donuts and then just ended up rolling down hills. Thanks for the weed.
I chased him for half a mile, lost him then somehow ended up at his house. Is that still considered stalking? I WAS drunk.
he stopped mid makeout and said "can I pray for you?"
Listen, I love you but you cannot refer to your dick as the holy sister anymore
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