worst morning ever. completed my walk of shame home to find my parents, grandma, and priest had come down to surprise me on my birthday. now i'm in the car with them to go get my car from the bar.
I just looked at my iPhone gps history... "the gas station", "the park with a big scary fence", "the trampoline", and, my favorite, "where we were when we were about to do lines off a bible".
You know what sound is wonderful for a hangover? Listening to the horns from the South Africans at the world cup
downstairs . braiding the drunk passed out girls hair, she will thank us In the morning
i found him! he's on the front porch using a bag of potting soil as a pillow. i forgot i left him there.
I may be Daddy's little princess, but doesn't mean I can't be the blowjob queen.
Am I really in your phone as Asshole Jesus??
That's awesome and prob the first time you had an idea of what to do. I'm super proud of you Chelz
Its cos im stoned ! My high self is maturing
You sprinted into the side of a parked car
If last night was a preview of 2015, I quit.
Ask me if I'm sitting naked in a lawn chair eating a block of cheese waiting for a bacon grilled cheese sandwich
It doesn't count as "finding the lesbian" if you fuck a straight girl!
Then he asked if he could pee on me and things really went downhill
Tears For Fears is the only thing getting me through life at this moment.
They were playing some sort of fast food scavenger hunt game as an ice breaker. Some chick stamped a Starbucks logo on my hand and told me to go find the girl with the matching stamp and fill her with cream.
Dave had an Arby’s stamp and some sorority girl grabbed him and screamed “I’ve have the meat!”\n
Randomize
