my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
He quoted an N'sync song to confess his attraction to me. Needless to say, I had sex with him.
i also saw a trio of peacocks walking along a sidewalk in hollywood today. i really hope im not tripping.
i was unaware that anal sex sometimes ends with shit on the bed.
he looked upset that i wasn't completely shaven. i reminded him he had begged. and beggars can't be choosers.
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
Dude I could put my dick between the gap in her teeth.. This is the last time we are hanging out with Kentucky girls
just found a bag of Oreos in my purse labeled "emergency".
I have the Everlasting Gobstopper of boners right now. It's kinda like a gift from god, but I don't want to spend anymore time with this girl than I have to.
Well his dad was his wingman, so I had to fuck him. I didnt want his dad to think that he was doing a bad job and I was drunk enough to think he was doing a good job.
Score one for dad.
Doc gave me something stronger than Xanax. The pills have your last name imprinted on them. This cannot be coincidence.
I was packing a bowl naked and her dog just stared at me with pure rage
I don't even remember what he looks like. All I know is he's 6 foot 100. I like that.
He just ranted to some customer about fourth of July being ruined and I just shouted USA the whole time in the background. It was kinda epic
Realizing life ain't all about burritos and strippers, it's a struggle out there, and it ain't looking pretty so far,..
Randomize
