We're pretty sure the 'pocket' aspect of the hot pocket is unnecessary. Testing our theory now.
morning outfit: hottub soaked skirt. no underwear. someone's bandanna worn as a shirt. took me an hour to walk home. this isn't fun anymore.
My entire childhood was an ugly sweater party
we're doing shots for every degree below freezing it is outside
Were betting on little kids falling and racing for a drinking game at the wedding.
Every time you blow me I should make a paper crane and we'll make them into a chain and hang them from the ceiling. And then whenever we have people over and they ask what the cranes are for I'll say "reminders" and wink at you.
Its not college unless your study breaks were to go throw up from blacking out the night before
We're going to catch a squirrel this summer
Wait is it okay if I still want to fuck the whole USA swim team or is that only acceptable during the Olympics?
You can jump from the roof to the pool. Trust me. I have done this before.
And it was in that moment when I realized that these high schoolers looked up to me and that I should set a good example. So I stole a casserole and left.
Long story short, I found someone who takes me seriously when I say I have a Shakespeare kink.
Do the right thing and go fuck yourself off a cliff
At one point, the bartender wrote out the words "please kill me" on some receipt paper and slid it across the bar to me.
I’m ready to be reckless and make stupid decisions, and I need you to support me in that.
Randomize
