i upgraded from drunk texts to drunk e-mails...real world here i come
I just found out my favorite drunk show, Repo Men, is just reenactments. I can't express through words my disappointment.
I'm wayyy too drunk to be in a parade right now
I was preparing to do my walk of shame shirtless, but then I found my sweater, wallet and keys neatly piled under a tree in the park.
Just beat 2 Norwegian women in beer pong. Never been so proud to be an American.
I never thought the first time a taser would be used on me would be at an applebees
I woke up in my living room, on the floor, wearing nothing but a fur coat?
I'm pretty sure I have enough material at this point to start a blog called Guys I've Banged in Pictures together. Why does this keep happening to me!
I just found out that my husband and I are Eskimo siblings. What in the actual fuck?!
You both sound like you need to get shit faced, fight it out, and have makeup sex.
Is there a lightning bolt coming out of your boner right now?!
I'm not saying i'm drunk
But i'm drunk.
I mean, what's the polite way to say, "sorry but I can't date you cuz I'm sleeping with your boss" ??
Did I just pee in the Taco Bell parking lot?
Yep. But do you remember wiping with my quesadilla?
I ACCIDENTALLY MURDERED MY COUSIN
HOW DO YOU ACCIDENTALLY MURDER YOUR COUSIN
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