You left a skid on my bar stool!!!!
Oops! Sorry about getting stool on your stool!
3 different guys in my psych class know me as 3 different names and said hi to me with all 3 different names-Andrea, Grace, and Bella
I've never been more proud of you
So I accidentally txted this girl with the same name as the one im seeing, as it turns out shes still dtf
Please don't ever try giving my cat a hair cut ever ever again
stopped you just in time from sledding down the roof.
someone just laughed at me while i'm laying on the floor waiting for the bus. like they've never been hungover.
Her exstacy made her nickname everyone David. Nobody knows who the fuck she's talking to so we just say no to everything she says. She's crying.
There was a lot going on. It was easy to miss a 70 foot tall puppet.
If it looks really sketchy and smells like burnt pizza and pot you're in the right place
I'm promoting my liver to CEO of my body cause it clearly works harder than anything else.
My birthday is in 11 days. Going ham. Consciousness will not be an option
I straight up told your dad I've slept with a majority of your family
there's a 50/50 chance the night will end in alcohol-induced rituals of satanic nature
just had an allergic reaction to my dildo. My life is ruined.
Get over your kidney infection all ready. You have been sober for too long.
Randomize
