I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
but why does your life always sound like the plot of a porn?
then they high fived as they party boyed me. I was a policewoman sandwhich. I love you halloween.
Bring more bourbon. Day drunk just hit another level.
I just negotiated a blow job for an interview.
He asked the clerk if they sell a penis-shaped brander.
Put you drinking hat aside for Tuesday. My buddy is bartending!
I just puked in my drinking hat.
You demanded I give you a glass of water, so I set it down in front of you and you knock it over and roll in it..,
I wanted to be a dolphin.
I feel like as your wife, as cool with your decision-making skills as I usually am, there should be a bigger explanation to you adopting a child while I'm in Houston.
Do you think I shall pursue this journey to the center if the dick?
I ate her out in the bathroom and she did my makeup. Man i love being a lesbian
LEAVE ME AND MY NIPPLES ALONE
I'm chasing my vodka with snickers.
You had me at "let me see your balls"
He came so fast i dont think he got it all the way in. He apologized and gave me his favorite baseball card.
Randomize
