I don't remember her name, but I do remember yelling at her from the balcony of the hotel room during her walk of shame.
either my laughing turned him on, or he wanted to shut me up. either way, i dont care. it was amazing.
If you weren't supposed to have sex with your ex then they wouldn't rhyme.
its a vaginal recession for me, ill take what i can get
So I've been to the library twice so far. Both times were for the atm, and once I was stoned. Junior year is going great.
I was taking a bath and he burst in, sat down and started taking a shit. RIGHT BESIDE ME. My lack of privacy astounds me.
I woke up with her dog licking the wedding cake out of my ear and her sister finishing our Jaeger
In honor of Dennis Farina dying, I'm offering up free mustache rides...2 takers so far.
Thank you. I woke up with a beard hair in my mouth. Super classy.
i wasnt sure i had a crush on her until i woke up this morning and saw i had googled fifteen variations of "lesbian marriage in estonia". where the fuck is estonia
You said, "I'll have this whole island inside of you by 6 AM. Just point out who you want and I'll make it happen."
I might be drinking a 4-day old opened beer on a Wednesday. You're in no position to judge me.
It would have only made it one day at my place.
Next time you decide to post pictures of yourself in your underwear on facebook, please don't tag me as your bulge.. My mom spent 10 minutes looking for me in that picture. I had to tell her I was hiding.
You took off your shirt and pulled out a bottle of cherry uv and a slushee. That's when I knew you came to party
Getting knocked up by someone with a good job and a big dick, okay. I can handle that. Getting knocked up by someone who sells dildos for a living and has a tiny dick, SOMEBODY is losing a pair of balls.
Randomize
