Omg. Just talked to a semi driver from nebraska. Got her truck stuck. Gave her and her riding buddy a glass of vodka and a cig. YES.
Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
My parents just told me I first got drunk when I was 4. Successsssssss
he started fingering my stomach rolls instead of my vag... am i really that fat?
Mental note: adding peach schnapps to a gin and tonic does not "water it down."
Disgusting. If I saw her naked my dick would pack up his balls and leave.
Apparently I kept telling people I was a pro tennis player again...
Can we hire someone to dj while we have sex?
I feel like I need to get a restraining order against him but I'd probably be the one to break it.
(This is the second time ive been high enough to decide to run for office)
I'm high and dancing to practical magic. Your needs for my penis can wait.
If I do nothing else today, the fact that I talked you into this is achievement in itself.
A drunk and bleeding peter is knocking on your door... in nothing more than a sombrero, boxers and cowboy boots.
yeah i'm making him "thanks for letting me befriend your toilet" cookies. wanna help? i'm sure you'll be making new friends too.
ARE YOU DEAD? TEXT Y FOR YES OR N FOR NO.
Randomize
