I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
guys are only as good as the porn they watch
Want updates from david's night out drinking? If so text back DAVID to this number. Std rates apply.
I just got while a charlie horse while orgasming...most confusing feeling ever...
took 4 advil with a shot of vodka, figure i'd try to save myself now
I'd appreciated it if you didn't lick my boyfriends face again. I'm askin nicely. Thank you.
I didn't notice because vodka
Can you plz delete the video of me twerking in Waffle House, my mom just got a vine.
I just tried to pay for a coffee with a dollar and a necco wafer.
He carried around a bottle of jäger the whole night and when everyone thought the cops came, he started doing push ups in the middle of the floor cause he said it calmed him down.
Can I trade you chipotle for a pregnancy test?
New guy moved in the apartment next door. He's a combat vet, 6'4", Adonis body and going to med school. My vagina is chewing thru the wall as we speak.
If walking through the neighborhood with a bottle of tequila and margarita mix is postgrad life, I'm okay with it
Found her grinding on my boss with her tongue down her throat last night. Guess who just got promoted!
Typical Sunday morning text...are you alive?
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