How's tricks little girl?
Trix are for kids, old man.
Hey you
You're the only one I'll text back during sex. what's up?
if i wake u up at 5am tmrw by coming into ur room wearing nothing but my indiana jones hat and purple socks while singing 'courtesy of the red white + blue' will u be pleased or annoyed
keep in mind this isn't open to negotiation, i'm just trying to gauge ur reaction
Some broad at the bar just asked me how much money I make. I don't know whats worse, the question or the answer.
I am watching the symphony and have decided that violin players probably give really good hand jobs.
I seriously fake cumming more than i poop.
I came home drunk to my night light on and a Hershey's bar on my bed. Mom knows me too well.
I'll start choreographing the sperm rain dance now
Her desktop wallpaper is a collage of penises she fucked.
Lets start a coed nudist frat/sorority. It would be amazing. Or just an orgy club. It would also be amazing
God, you're amazing. I just want to hang out with you in the nude and watch Monty Python movies whilst we quip about how comedians just aren't as funny anymore.
Credit for originality. Points off for a mild to moderate creepy factor.
Well you fished my watch out of a possibly vomit filled toilet so I think we're bros now.
My mom and sister were over. When my drunk roommate came home, he yelled "GOT BITCHES IN MY CONDO"
I successfully navigated a full, lengthy interaction with my dad in which he never asked me if I was freshly baked. 10 points.
Nothing wrong with a little cat scratch fever. You have toys?
A few, plus a dildo molded from a porn star that I've always been too intimidated of to actually use, but it's the apocalypse, and momma didn't raise no quitter.
Randomize
