just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
Your ability to be a slut in your nightmare astounds me
We decided I could make bicurious-jitos or ho-meh-jitos or heteroflexible-jitos. But not homojitos.
First lesson of the year: don't close the bar on mondays
2nd semester senior, always drunk. at this point if i don't get a good parking spot, i turn around and drive home
so far we have 6 big wheels and 10 boxes of wine for the tour de franzia. team drunkslut is favored to win the yellow jersey.
I can't remember where my feet are. All I can see are colors, and all I can feel is terror. The lollipop was a bad idea.
You told the cop at mobil to keep it real and look both ways before crossing the street.
With your fertility you would just get contact pregnant
I got drunk enough that when camel suggested jumping off the pier, I thought it was a fantastic plan. Also my blood hurts.
What happened to my knees?
You ate shit in front of the homeless people. They applauded.
I want your cock. I also want to cuddle you and tell you how amazing you are, because you know balance.
No clue what you did last night, sorry. You did hand me a pizza and a mason jar with $1200 in small bills in it when I let you in though.
My vagina likes him more than I do, but I’m going to follow her lead and see what happens
Randomize