Not me. I think "beastiality" sounds pretty classy.
This morning I saw a frozen puddle in front of my RA's door and I laughed, assuming someone poured water in hopes that she would slip and fall. That's when my roommate told me I had peed there last night. Thank you Captain Morgan!
Hey man, did I leave the bottom drawer to my refrigerator that I had beer in at your house by any chance?
Dude, she literally stopped, mid fuck said "I want soup" got off my dick and make top ramen.
were lost, were cold and we don't know what to do with the stray cat we found.
You kept trying to throw the grocery cart off the balcony.
I fucking, woke up on a couch with a towel as a blanket to someones lion king ringtone.
stef broke her leg trying to vault over the coffee table. these olympics drinking games are going to fucking kill us
Why are there two phone calls to calgary police in my phone and why is there a voicemail from you asking for bail money
I swear to god those aren't related
Would you accept a fantastic blowjob as payment?
I'm planning our wedding on the computer and our threesome on my phone. At the same time.
i showed up really high and was trying to not be,so in order to not seem high, i got plastered
FUCK WHALES
And by "have lunch together" you mean me giving you a blow job in the back of your Tahoe, right?
I admire the fact that you replicated my apartment on the roof but I would appreciate it more if you would move all my stuff off the roof and back into my apartment.
Randomize
