I wanna get so fucked up that I try to catch a coyote in a pillowcase, breakdance fight a lion, and send back some toast at Denny's when I see its slightly burnt.
You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
her sex was completely horrible but her weed was great. imma ask her out again
I'd say I should re evaluate my life choices, but I'd make the same decisions only faster and wearing a push up bra.
After she cried and passed out at four in the morning, I had a very lovely, very drunken conversation with her mother while decorating a cake into the shape of a penis.
and a jello shot exploded in my bra last night. Now I have blueberry smurfette boobs. Awesome.
I wish we knew morse code and could knock to each other through the wall
I've got a permanent seat at the "Girls who eat their feelings" table this weekend.
You said you were uncomfortable with your body and then you started making whale noises
i love it when bitches who pick on you in high school get fat. thank you facebook you have made my day.
You're like a human soul vacuum cleaner.
It looks like you got dick slapped by the sandman..
And thanks for putting me in that safety position on the bathroom floor while I was spooning the toilet
3 cups of coffee and some molly. The "Tay's Day Off Diet"
I think I just shit out all my problems.
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