i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
So i guess my mom went into the kitchen and asked me why i was making mac and cheese at 4 in the morning and apparently i yelled at her to "get the fuck back bitch you don't know my life"
The woman in front of me has a completely clear purse. I can see everything. It's ballsy because her vagisil is on display.
On the bright side, I hit her with the door on the way in
Does making ice cubes at 4 in the morning count as being productive?
He was pretty wasted I guess, but the crippled guy threw the first punch it was awesome
5am update: in a toga seeing triple made out with both sexes
It's like I just got slapped in the face with the cock of nostalgia.
It looked like his dick was wearing an argyle sweater.
I don't know. She kept pirouetting across the kitchen while making dinner. I just sat there stoned.
The cops just came to this party I'm at and ate all of our snacks
Dude just crushed our bbq lays and told us to quiet down
Waking up at a teachers house is a very confusing thing
REWARD BLOWJOB!! STAY RIGHT WHERE YOU ARE I'LL BE THERE IN FIVE MINUTES.
he's not even weird he's been offering me different drinks all night
oh i remember now hes the guy that liked when i peed on him
I better get weekly incoherent text messages or I will assume something is wrong.
Randomize
