I had so many friends before that round of Never Have I Ever.
man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
He sat there and debated the pros and cons of hooking up with me
she said we were using the spray butter as air freshener
You had salsa out and brought a banana on a plate to bed
Not a clue. But I did find out that his penis has a British accent.
Trying to convince myself that everyone keeps staring at me because I'm pretty and not because of my hickies.
Ugh. I guess I'm crying loudly or something. My mom just came in and gave me milk, chocolate, a Xanax, and her weed "for the break up blues". Her ways of affection are so odd.
A little boy in a bathroom stall just shouted "mom where's your penis?? Is it inside you?"
Well yes he stayed. He brought Guiness, them he shaved me. It's a long, but beautiful story.
Molly I still can't believe u puked in that guys hands and still got laid
Why does my nose taste spicy?
How do you know what your nose tastes like?
We peed on a building I think...like a building in downtown...not out of view of anyone.
Why is there bacon in the couch?
A massage should never include spaghetti sauce. shit was fucked up
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