Im gonna name my vag after egypt, "the valley of kings"
Should I shave my pubes in the shape of a top hat so I can nickname my junk Abe Lincoln?
Let's go to weight watchers and eat in front of them.
i was mowing the lawn and found the coffee pot in the bushes
Let's just say that watching the sunrise in a space helmet is really the only way to do it.
So I passed out with my boxers on in the hotel jacuzzi at 5am.. The manager who kicked me out was pretty cute so I left my name and number for her at the front desk. I'm giving it a 50/50 she calls.
Beer coozy in the gym. Don't judge me.
We tried to make ramen in a glass bowl on the stove. They called facilities to pick the glass out of the door
I was drunk and gave him my dad's phone number instead because somehow I thought that'd be funny. Man did that fucking backfire
Is there one of me peeing? If so do I look bangable in it
When I go to hand him the blunt and he's eating a cookie and responds with "let me hit this cookie"
I'm on my third roll of toilet paper. Today can fuck right off.
How drunk you think somebody has to be, that they think that putting out a profile pic like that can be even a slightly good idea?
He just got out of surgery, almost died from shooting him self with an arrow.
What does it mean when the government shuts down and your boyfriends wife wants a divorce ON YOUR BIRTHDAY?
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