K got coke dick during a threesome with two strippers. Say no to drugs.
just had a dream there were parent teacher conferences in college...scariest dream ever.
so he reminded me it was our 9 month anniversary and then said "we could've had a baby by now"
what is it with giant penises always finding me
No, I left myself a half eaten cucumber and a beer next to my head, pointed at it and said 'you're breakfast' and then passed out.
He is so amazingly handsome. I just wanna fuck every shred of decency out of him.
Sorry but i am wayy to hungover to take mom to her AA meeting.
Wont she be proud, Hailey.
I just told a kid I was in a wheelchair because Santa shot me due to me being on the naughty list. You should have seen this little bastards face
I dont think getting to 3rd base with a girl you barely know is the type of memory they had in mind when they named the park "memorial park"
Well I can cross being naked in a minivan off the list
My booty call just moved 2 min from my house
This has pregnancy written all over it
I met his dad. Turns out he was a one nighter from the nurses conference in Vegas. Not sure how to handle this one.
Clearly, you already have. Both of them.
Fuck I forgot the furry convention was this weekend and now I'm downtown. Way too high for this shit.
You know she's gonna fuck shit up when she shows up in a neon wind-suit
WINE AND FILM. TALK ABOUT AN UPGRADE FROM NETFLIX AND CHILL.
Randomize
