Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
i must of done something right to please the booty call gods. . . maybe fucking that fat chick?
The salesman looked at me like I was crazy when I explained the need for a headboard that had slats so I could handcuff people to it
I figured out why I insisted on leaving my sweater on the ground outside. I smelled it and I'm 97% sure I peed on it last night
There's a stoned dwarf chilling in the basement here. Maybe there are redeemable qualities about this place.
You were chugging tap water out of a running blender screaming "bubbles is Perrier mother fucker"
Just jerked off with bubble wrap. Not as awesome as it sounds.
i have a raging boner for Saturday, day drinking is one of my top favorite things right next to alligator wrestling and blowing shit up
Well I woke up at my house so that's a plus. But I'm pretty sure I peed on my sofa because I woke up in the pee position.
I mean. I just want to sit in my bed and eat bagels. What's wrong with that?
There was nowhere else for me to go. I'm like the island of misfit toys but I'm hot.
Maybe snorting K off penises isn't healthy
I accidentally made jungle juice last night.
My toothbrush tastes like captain morgan
I'm jealous
Sooooooooooooo you woke up on a rooftop. Classy
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