Can Purell be used as lube?
Sometimes I stick my finger in my own ass and pretend it’s a vagina. I think it’s kinda weird. What do you think?
Swear to god this chicks brother got let out of jail for the weekend for the sole purpose of cock blocking me
I hope in my next life I'm a sterile trophy wife. With a husband who showers me in wealth and gifts but can't get a hard on. Do you think my karma is good enough for that?
Just don't let me fall on anything that can be broken. Unless its a dick
You said your legs stopped working and then pulled yourself around the floor with your hands.
That explains the wood chips stuck in my nipples.
its cute though when you google his name more than one mug shot comes up from different states
Tell me I'm the only person you know who could punch someone at the bar, get escorted out, smoke a cig with the cop who almost arrested me AND get the security guy who escorted me out to buy me drinks.
You know what would make this walk of shame even better? Picking up my cap n gown on the way to my car
My passport was stamped in Canada two weeks ago. One step closer to uncovering wtf happened that night
There is a drunken, assless white chick here at this bar wearing a shirt that says "REAL WOMEN TWERK FOR JESUS". I have officially had it with our generation.
you don't understand it took me an hour and a half to escape that bed, I had to memorize his sleeping patterns.
Idk maybe I'll talk to him once he gets out of jail just to yell at him and get my strawberry ice cream back.
When you start lapping your martini like a cat it's time to go home. Partys over.
And ANOTHER guy that I once got naked is doing gay porn now. Wtf? Am I the audition?!
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