kevin brought a 6ft brunette runway model with him tonight. Now, im not sure what the fuck the color of the " i get it, its over, Im ugly" flag is.... but i'll wave it.
Its a sad when the highlight of your day is flicking a booger and actually getting it to stick to your computer monitor.
I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
margarita scented body wash shouldn't be used the morning after cuervo. there should be a warning on the label.
You are not about to raise that baby deer, you can BARELY raise yourself... Return it to it's mom now.
No, you don't understand. If the words "stop," "alcohol poisoning," and "regret" aren't in the same sentence by the end of the night, I will have failed this birthday.
HI MARY. THERE IS A RAINBOW AT OUR APARTMENT
Champagne pong turned into an expensive and painful experience.
Don't worry, the house smells like waffles more than sex
I have a gay crossdressing neighbor that's dresses up as a slutty pirate. 6 beers from now I would have hit on him. I hate halloween.
I partied with 2 slutty ninja turtles from Sweden last night, I Love Halloween.
It only takes one line of cocaine, and you try to shotput a fucking kitchen table
I think I gave a random lady a dildo
Again?!
How I know I've been single too long: I'm reveling in finding out my taken friends are being tragically dumped
Not drinking until my bday. I know it's only a few days but it feels like when couples get celibate before the wedding and there's all that tension.
Painted a stripper an elf costume. Her coworkers liked it. Now in a room full of naked strippers.
Randomize
