A big part of growing up is learning how to tastefully stare at women
I havent dry-humped that much since freshmen year. Forgot how good it doesnt feel.
are you drunk enough to hook up with me yet?
after last nights cooking expirments i have lost all faith in the fire alarm battery
Does your gf have any friends she can hook me up with?
Better looking than her though please.
There is something depressing about eating toast in a dark living room by myself using a paper plate that says: "Let's Party!"
This exeeds the amount of high I planned on being.
When you start quoting save the last dance you need to stop drinking
He asked if I smoke and I said "only fools like you on the basketball court!" Then I started crying. I think I'm about to have my period.
i accidentally sent all my draft messages..how do i do damage control for the multiple "fuck me now" type msgs sent at ten am?
What people don't tell you about near death experiences is they give you a full on chub
he wears New Balance sneakers on a regular basis, did you really expect the sex to be more than decent?
I know you all think its cute to drop me off in a different state when I black out, but I can't wake up in family campgrounds asking where I am. These parents are scared.
No biggie, just trying to keep my liver function in the green
If you get me a sex toy for Christmas everyone in my family will question our relationship.
Randomize
