My mom made me write an apology letter to all my family for hijacking the eggnog.
Bitches at mcdonalds acting like they never seen a girl puke in her own coat pocket before
I found her in the trunk, smoking a cigarette, saying every girl should know how to get out of their trunk
Drunk on Tuesday. Double fisting. Mmmbop is playing. Only girl in the group. Life is complete.
I don't like him near enough to give up day drinking AND my prostitute costume
Are you responsible for the syringes and miniature cactus garden that has magically taken over my fridge?
Can we just talk about how the only thing I have on my camera from this weekend is a video of you putting your whole fist in your mouth hahahha
I told the person I was on the phone with to hold on while I looked for my phone. I think it's time to stop doing dabs.
What kind of present accurately says to my male suitemate "I'm sorry that I accidentally flashed you my vagina while I was super drunk"?
He said you asked to eat pepperoni off his dick and he thought it was weird
I mean I thought it sounded fun
Im going to hell I gave him a handjob on the plane next, to an old guy playing video games on his iPad, on good friday.
Oohh. Then yes, he is the Alpha Fuckboy.
we didn't even throw knives this time! it was just the carrot peeler
this dude is way too smart. he just explained to me the different scientific components of drugs while we smoked. i said i loved icecream.
gonna stay in tonight
and im a platypus. shotgun a beer and get your dick to this party. ive got some hot friends visiting
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