Goodnight my chunky, little, marshmallow muncher
I am one bad relationship away from having 30 cats.
I don't think its a good idea if I moon a whole bar again
i'm as serious about my hair as jesse from full house.
that is uncle jesse to you, show some respect.
we went to the store to buy cookie dough and conditionally went straight towards the booze
Someone left a beer in front of your door...there's a note with it that says "peace offering"
i knew you were okay when you wanted to eat in the ambulance
everything was going well until edgar threatened to handcuff the security guard to himself.
I paid your cover too so you're on the list as tits mcgee. You're welcome :D
Weekend plan is a big bag of dope, delivery food, Bollywood marathon and masterbating my dick raw.
Idk, you were a drunk pirate that kept stealing pieces of people's costumes to keep as your booty.
That would explain all the random shit in my room...
Dude at the bar last night came into the bathroom, drop kicked the stall open and start saying lines from happy Gilmore as he was shitting, "go in your home! Are you too good for your home?!"
He wore the same cologne as my orthodontist so all I could think about was how I hadn't worn my retainer in months
my one night stand just gave me money "to buy a better vibrator" tis the season
I'm bleeding and have questions
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