I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
At this point, I would light birthday candles in my vagina for free drinks
At the bar. Guy comes up wearing a hollister shirt and says "lets blow this popsicle stand"
You fucking left with him didn't you?!
So the girl I hooked up with last night pretended to be from Comcast when my girlfriend stopped by this morning. She even made a fake appointment to check her internet. Best hookup ever.
Let's just say that watching the sunrise in a space helmet is really the only way to do it.
ya i guess you have to take things with a grain of salt in a place where nipple clamps are the norm..
Because of his penis, I can't even look at a hot dog
The countdown is at hand. We are 15 days from so much Jameson that names will be forgotten. Prepare your liver now or severe projectile vomiting will be the theme of the night.
A guy at one of our big accounts just said you probably dont remember meeting me saturday night ps you were right about those two girls being lesbian
Just think of your bundle of joy thats on its way. And how hes gunna rip your vagina apart
Die.
Please tell me you aren't concussed from dancing on the stripper pole
Honestly I was sitting in managerial accounting thinking "I really need to get my shit together and stop drinking so much wine." But when you asked I realized... it's wine. It's always a yes.
I never realized how you can accidentally go home with someone until tequila got involved.
Whose panties are you wearing on your head and why are you sending me pics of it?
If I could I'd magically teleport drugs and alcohol to you. Like a bad decision fairy.
Randomize
