I just watched a girl use a tall boy Coors as a rolling pin to make christmas cookies
I didnt realize til after I got out of her apartment and into the lobby that we lived in the same building.
a guy tried paying for lapdances with cds, who uses those anymore?
In class ... We were just assigned groups for the quarter... Remember that night we took shots from that guys pants? I now know his name
I'm up to 9 pic of different guys. I need 4 more boys and each one of the 13 to submit 3 additional pics. I wanna make a penis deck of cards.
I'm not about to serve this country to fuckin not have rum and cheezits for breakfast
Dude that soap I drank last night is fucking killing me.
He could smell the liquor on my breath. Fuck. I thought he would smell French toast.
Yea I almost drowned giving a BJ in the shower once
There's times when I need to be plowed... and I'm ashamed to admit auto correct was able to predict that entire sentence.
Also if i get drunk and start crying about the elephants you all have my permission to abandon me.
I guess I'm an especially affectionate person under the influence of tequila.
He walked into the bar with a pineapple and they served him AND the pineapple
You kept saying “keke” over and over so I slapped you then you proceeded to ask if I loved you. In case you’re wondering why you have a black eye - Lauren
Never joke about your clitoris.
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