wanna go halves on a baby?
Ummmm I went to see who was upstairs, he was the only one in his room so we had sex while the travel channel played in the background.
Oh good. Romantic. Still, I'm jealous of the sex.
Probably not, since he made me promise not to tell anyone it only lasted ten seconds.
i can't put facebook on my resume under hobbies.
He gave his mom his old phone, and I am SO paranoid
Did you send adult things?
Um. Yes would be the understatement of the year
I would kind of like a job that starts at 10:30 and i'll work til 7. I'm not very productive in the morning. My main focus is not puking from 9-11.
I'm going to fuck him so hard that his dick is going to fracture
Glad to see your being a lady about this
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
To say the least, now you know you're a proper lady, passing a field sobriety test in heels...
Held my professor's hair back while she was puking. I'd better get an A out of this or else the pics are going on Facebook.
Do you know how to give stiches?
I do not...this text concerns me
He accidentally opened the car door during sex and all the lights came on. Needless to say, that kid passing by who was walking his dog got scarred for life.
Hey are you going to the pride parade? If so get me a shit ton of condoms
He stopped in the middle of us banging in order to check in for his Southwest flight.
He was 6'5 and wearing a kilt, how could I not fuck him
I shit myself and fell down the stairs and I’m still finding shit In those pants.
Randomize
