Also how the fuck did i get like 30 brown napkins
no... you woke up naked next to the toilet because you said your outfit was too cute to throw up in
drunk tastebuds have low standards.
Another Sunday, another 100 chicken nuggets
we somehow managed to fit a llama, a stripper pole and a hayride all into the same day.
I need a thor helmet and I need to find my heavy duty drinking mug
I'll feed you vitamin c from my mouth this weekend. Like a baby bird.
Promise??
Apparently "I have the beer shits" isn't the excuse my boss wanted to hear. So sue me
my cat just photo bombed my nudie.. does this qualify me as a cat lady?
Took his shirt off. Announced he was Jesus. Threw up. Asked me to cuddle him to sleep. And then tried to kiss me. Typical Saturday night.
sweating bourbon at client mtg -- you?
ALSO I MAYBE ACCIDENTALLY HAND CUFFED MYSELF TO A CHAIR
do you remember yelling out "insecurity makes my pussy dry!" unnecessarily loud at the bar?
I called him the wrong name all night, yet I still got a ride home from the party and hooked up with the guy. I'm irresistible.
So I lost my dignity between the strip club and your penis...
Randomize
