Hotel room at 3 am. She's 42. Stockings and heels. All because I opened with a joke about cougar hunting. We'll high-five later.
I haven't shaved so I have to behave myself. I'm going to do this from now on.
I just gave my patient permission to swallow while pregnant. She was so embarrassed to ask...but her bf was really happy with the answer.
i got totally wasted at 2pm and cleaned the house bc i was bored. my mom now supports my alcohol problem
how do i say, "my ex is going to be at this party so don't look like shit" without sounding like a bitch?
I'm guessing "whatever I can get" wasn't the reply the nurse wanted when asking what med I need. Oh, and asked for a cartoon band-aid.
Only you could be admitted to the ER and walk out with a nurse's phone number. I wish I was gay
I knew my sign language would come in handy. I just used sign to coordinate a coke deal.
Nothing like hearing "I found your pinky nail" before you even noticed it was missing.
I went on an adventure and now we have more food.
Well, really we just have fire sauce and cookies. But they're edible.
who sends a dick pic at 3 am on a sunday honestly
seriously. and now it'll take him hours to clean up the glitter
I don't know man, I woke up and shes here acting like she knows me, wearing my clothes, and scrambling eggs in my kitchen. I don't know her.
You were drinking with me last night, I warned you.
It isn't easy. I met him at the gym. He wanted to go out he doesn't drive so I drove and he wanted Dairy Queen where his sister is the manager. This is dating in my 20's
Let's get the cat blown out
And then you two got up and shouted in near perfect unison "I'M ALWAYS A SLUT FOR BASKIN ROBBINS" The bar just looked at us horrified.
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