i can't believe i had my finger in that
im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
My hispanic family watching the world cup is getting too intense for me. a lit candle was just thrown at me because i walked by the tv.
OMG the post office opened my dildo! "we sincerely regret the damage to your package"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just took 4 secret shots in his bathroom to not remember him naked.
Also, we accidentally donated a bong to goodwill
you can hold your grudge or you can accept the alcoholic treats as a peace offering. your choice
peace be with you.
before we left she put a post-it on the floor next to the toilet saying she was a pretty pretty princess
Also, what is a socially acceptable way to introduce a crossbow in public?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Talked to Nate, told him he was a douche. Will give details when sober. It's ok. You're my best friend together a wolf pack. Olive juice.
I had to rename my dildo. I met a little kid who named his teddy bear the same name. It just felt wrong.
Weirdest drunk sex ever. His sweat dripped into my eyeball and then he looked down and asked me why I was crying. I went with it.
Your babysitter texted, wants me to pay with weed. I don't know where to get any & don't want to. Will she take cigarettes instead? Or um, cash? Like a person?
The brides mom put a 6 year old in charge of me to make sure I don’t get too drunk before the wedding
You have such a talent for this
Friendship, or finding weed?
Yes
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