Heyy I kind of wanted to apologize and excuse myself for last night. I feel like that was a little much. I just met you. That's why I don't like tequila. Haha
If I see one more commercial for The Secret Life of the American Teenager, I'm going to punch the next teenage girl I see in the uterus and scream, "Wear a condom!"
I totally got off with my controler for my ps3. Soooo glad I ended up with that racing game for Christmas.
Who was more unwelcome: The two of us at the party last night, or Kimmy Gibler at the Tanner residence?
I wore my underwear in the shower just in case i passed out and you had to come in and get me
I came home drunk to my night light on and a Hershey's bar on my bed. Mom knows me too well.
I'm pretty sure I just had a convo with my hot pockets about how they weren't good enough for the oven.
To put it in a frame of reference with which you're familiar, it was like making out with a golden retriever.
searching my car for your cum before I have to give my grandma a ride to the airport. Thanks for this
He's going to regret telling me he doesn't care if i shave or not...
Could have had sex with an ex NFL kicker last night.
That would've been embarrassing.
He was "hot guy in the dark". One of us had to sleep with him. I took the bullet you're welcome.
He said he didnt want to choke me, I said im sorry thats a deal breaker.
We should probably feel disgusted that we took turns eating and drunkenly passing around a burrito the size of a small dog but i’m ok with it.
I know it's my dream I got hurt enough to leave work but not hurt enough to stop drinking
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