kindergarten is hard when you're hung over.
using the left over highlighters from the blacklight party to study for finals. feeling the need to write insert penis here on my econ notes.
I'm sorry that spending new years with you was fucking my boyfriend in your bathroom multiple times
So, do you ever feel like EVERY SINGLE ONE OF YOUR FRIENDS IS INVOLVED IN A MASSIVE AND INTRICATE CONSPIRACY TO COCKBLOCK YOU AT ALL COSTS?
She only spoke Russian, but she was so gorgeous it didn't matter
Oh. I think she ate all the cake and took our vodka...still gorgeous.
He invites me over too FucK and i wind up eating 6 jimboys tacos with his roommates. While he waited in his room. Maybe next time
How did work go after you told them you were in jail?
Great they tried to bail me out.
Is your gma going to be okay with me passed out drunk on the ground
Can you bring me the toilet please
Packing for college has become a game of where did I hide my sex toys.
Regardless of how one feels after a break up, whiskey must be consumed.
Every time I'm hungover I just want to watch Harry Potter and cry.
for not the first time in my life, my clothes are covered in piss and i'm standing in line waiting to buy pedialyte at a convenience store
i dunno, a lot of my childhood feels like a drugged up fever dream
We will just distract him with tacos and porn.
Randomize
